Thursday, May 26, 2011

Grandpa and his iPhone

My father-in-law recently got an iPhone.  I asked him why he got it, and he said that he got because everyone else has one. I said, "Well, at least you're honest about it. I think that's probably the only reason anyone gets an iPhone."

"No, no. Not to be cool. I wanted a nicer phone, and I got this one because a lot of people I know have them, so they can help me with it."

That made a lot more sense, because my father-in-law never struck me as the type to do anything in the interest of being cool. Believe me, he doesn't look cool with his iPhone, as evidenced by this picture I took when he wasn't looking.

He holds the thing like it is going to explode in his hand. He always looks at it over the top of his glasses, or squints through them at it, like the screen is too bright. My father in law is a complete waste of an iPhone for the following reasons:

1. He thinks that everything he does on it is going to cost him "extra".
He doesn't understand the concept of a data plan. He is still living in the dark ages of cell phones when a tab started every time you accidentally hit that internet button. (Side note: Didn't that make you kind of want to die? When you got to your destination after an hour car trip and you pull your phone out only to realize that you hit the button when you were rifling for your keys and the browser had been running the whole. damn. time? Yeah, me too.) I keep trying to explain to him how the data plan works and that it doesn't work that way, but he doesn't believe me. He might believe it if he went to the AT&T store and asked, but he hasn't done that for some reason. I'm not sure he'd believe it coming from the mouth of God Himself.
Last weekend, we were headed back to the apartment to get some things, and my father in law and Beau's aunt were in a separate car. He either butt-dialed Beau and didn't know it, or he didn't hang up properly after their last call. Beau got a message that went a little like this:
FIL: Do you know how to use the GPS? (on the iPhone)
Aunt: Yeah, but I think it charges you, doesn't it?
FIL: Well...
Aunt: I think it does.
FIL: I don't do anything that charges me.
Aunt: Don't do it!

At least he's in good company.

2. He doesn't have any music on it.
I asked him the other day if he had any music on it. He looked at me like I had two heads. "Why would I want to put music on my phone?!"

3. He doesn't understand apps.
For one thing, he thinks they are going to charge him (even the free ones). He wants to use as few apps as possible. Last night, though, we found him a radio app, and he thinks it is the coolest thing ever. Yes, people, my father in law thinks the most awesome thing about his phone is that...he can listen to the radio. And the police blotter. For real.
He also doesn't get that sometimes apps need to update. Yesterday, his Bible app needed an update. "How can you update the Bible?!" he said. "It's the bible!"

4. He has the dorkiest case for his iPhone.
It looks like it is made out of old tires. He thinks the fact that Superman could throw the phone into a brick wall makes it cool.

All this would be fine if he would learn, but he won't. He refuses to be taught. I may steal his phone in the middle of the night and replace it with a Cricket.


Querida said...


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